Hindsight is 20/20. There are many things I would do differently if I could start over mothering my four children. Just ask them; they will tell you where I goofed up!
I love my children and like the people they are becoming. I am so glad that the Lord loves them more than I do. When my primary days of influence were over, I could place them in His capable hands. Now I am a cheerleader on the sideline, yelling, “You are running well! Keep going, you can do it!”
Photo by Broma (CC-A/Flickr)
These are the things I would remind myself to do if I were starting over:
Respect the unique person that your child is. Remember that he or she is not an extension of you, but has a God-given blueprint inside of who to become. Your job is to supply the raw materials and encouragement along the way. Get out of the way and pray… a lot! Love unconditionally and keep short debts by asking for your child’s forgiveness when you mess up.
Perfect the art of saying, “No!” Moms are an easy target for all the needs of school, church and civic organizations. Choose a way to give back that is most meaningful to you. When asked to serve in a new capacity, simply say, “I’m sorry, but my volunteer time is already spoken for.”
Let your children experience order at home (and how to recreate it when messes happen) so they have an example to follow. Teach them the organizing sequence. It is always easier to organize less stuff. Show them the importance of sharing extra belongings with children who have less.
Praise often and be specific. Follow your child around for a day to discover the one thing he or she is doing well. Use three sentences to lavishly praise that ACTION. This can be an action that reflects a character quality. “You were so kind to your younger brother when you __________.” Do not use the phrase “good girl/boy” because it is not action specific. Continue to praise that action and it will become a habit.
Make your child’s room a personal haven. Twice a year in late summer (HINT: The time is right when you hear, “I’m bored.”) and at Christmas vacation, make reorganizing each child’s room a fun project. Clean out all dresser drawers and the closet. Keep the most special school papers and mementos in a scrapbook tote. Donate outgrown clothing and make a list of clothing purchases that are needed. Give your child a “decorating allowance” to purchase a colorful pillow, a bulletin board, or a used bookshelf to paint and refresh the space. This is his/her space, so be sure to let your child make most of the decisions, with your guidance. Knock when the door is closed to ask permission to enter.
Finally, be sure to make some YOU time. Whether this is a weekly gab fest with girlfriends, a quiet night to sit and read at Barnes and Noble, or a class in a subject that interests you… do it! You will be a happy and refreshed wife and mother. Furthermore, you will be showing your family that you are a person who deserves to be respected and valued. Let them miss you. Don’t let anyone lay a guilt trip on you for wanting the time away. Your value will be evident as you express confidence in your innate worth.
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